I've had my fair share of ups and downs. I sometimes wanna argue I've had more than my fair share but at the same time, I know I'm given what I can handle. My troubles are bigger smaller better or worse than anyone else's, but they're mine. I've learned after many years of faking the funk it's much easier & more powerful when you own up to your BS. I used to think the armor I'd worked hard to build up around me and my heart meant healing. It's not at all in fact it's the opposite, it more damaging. I didn't even know how must I desperately needed to be healed. It's a job from the inside out. I started to change myself, my beliefs & my thoughts on my own worth. Everything looks different once you open your eyes. Most times it's us who pulled the wool anyway.
I took a solo trip. I'd done it before but this trip was different I wanted to celebrate my birthday with me. I've never in my life felt this blessed & humble. I've never been filled with this much gratitude. Gratitude for the simplest like the warmth of sunlight on cold days. I felt much peace & abundance. I legit felt as if I was "doing me". It was refreshing to not have an itinerary to adhere to, no guidelines whatsoever. No waiting, no makeup no pressure. I loved on me really hard for those few days. I had the cutest coziest Airbnb. The details in the place made me feel as if this spot was specific for me. In the mornings I did yoga and drank tea on the patio. I rode a Schwinn bicycle to the beach. I ate sweets & seafood & drank wine coolers to my heart's content. I meditated a lot & prayed even more.
On the last morning, I visited the beach, I visited with intentions. I intended to leave things I brought with me. I left EVERYTHING that didn't serve me any purpose in the Gulf of Mexico. Negativity, guilt, trauma, doubt, scars. Anything that meant me no good couldn't get on the flight home with me. Shit had been drowning me for so long I had to return the favor
I'd gotten a tan but came home feeling lighter. I knew to welcome the good things I set intentions to receive I need to release the things keeping me from living at my highest potential. Be honest with yourself and release anything keeping you from operating at your greatest level of self.